Family Van Ride

Dear Yogarapstar...I mean Dod,


Well let's just start things out right...there we go, no TNR for me Dodster! I loved that very true observation and I will try to buck the TNR trend whenever possible. This past week when I submitted a grad school paper and had to grudgingly change the font to TNR, I felt to guilty letting you down--but a grade is a grade and these professors have no humor for reading a paper in gigi.

 I apologize for my absence, I have been super busy with Burleson girl graduations, PASSING MY BOARDS (!), and light traveling. So with that in mind, today I want to recognize a man whose birthday was this week and who has provided endless amounts of humor throughout my life (both with and at him)...my dad. A man who made fanny packs fashionable, demanded my high school boyfriends take their hats off to view their eyes and also told them to turn their music down when entering "his neighborhood."  A man who once painted my finger nails from the front tips inward leaving horrific polish streaks, and who has proudly driven a mini-van from the time they manufactured them to the time when both children have now been out of the house for close to 10 years-aka NOW.  The reason I bring him up is that it is amazing that I am alive to post this as I saw my life flash before my eyes 10-20 times on the trip to and from Savannah for lil' burl's graduation. And so the trip began, we all loaded into the merlot/orange minivan (mom, dad, seth, and me) for the start of a family vacation.


I would just like to note that the day we arrived before the big trip was coincidentally my birthday, unfortunately, my mom forgot to pick up a birthday cake (which I didn't mind) but the best part was that she made one in 10 minutes out of items from her freezer: frozen angel food cake, defrosted cool whip for icing, and then (this is the best part) she cut a straw into candle sized pieces for mock candles...hilarious! I loved it of course.




Now, as you know my dad is an early riser and I have determined he is on a continuous race with life. I mean this is a man who I once observed plant a full container vegetable garden in 1.5 hours. He literally did two chucks of the shovel and threw the poor abused plant into the shallow holes and just threw a little pine straw over them. Amazingly they survived and did produce vegetables. Although he says each tomato is worth about $20 according to his spending for the garden.




So early riser insists that we leave no later than 7:30 am. I informed him I would leave at 9am in my own car if this were the case. We negotiated 8am--I think I lost the negotiating. So we pile up into the van and off we go. I think what my dad likes about my mom is that she has cut down on any unnecessary travel stops by keeping the van stocked like a mini-mart. You need a tissue, wet wipe, eyeglass cleaner, chocolate meringue puffs, cooler of water and diet orange drinks, small metal baby spoon (??), or grapefruit...just flash your lights at us and we can distribute it to you from the electronic van doors. Now, Dod, we rode about 2-3 feet from any given bumper at ALL times. Tractor-trailer included. Seth and I gave each other looks and at one point he held up his crossed fingers and just closed his eyes. Early riser was in a race with life on the highway. I mean what would the benefit be to arriving in Savannah pre-hotel-check-in?? Well, to say we had done it and brag to others about our ability to beat anyone's travel time. I think he senses that others don't respect him driving a mini-van, so he raises his ego by bragging about all he has done faster than anyone or traveled to in his van the past 24 hours--noting the amazing number of passengers his van held. At one point I remarked that the children riding in the jeep with the unzipped window, whose tail we were currently riding, might be run over were they to fall out. Seth informed me that they would just bounce off of our front hood.


Now I love my father and he is a great person, but he is also not allowed in most Wal-Marts.


One time "someone I know and love" kept going down an aisle where a person was on one of those mobile riders and they were overweight so he couldn't get by, so he goes to the next aisle and encounters another "Wal-Mart easy rider" at this point he remarks loudly that he will be heading to the gun section and will be right back--don't panic readers I'm sure he was just going to get a bb gun--that "person" who I am referring to that is. The funny thing is that his co-customer banished him to the van and the Wal-Mart easy riders were completely unfazed. I guess they are used to fellow customer commentary and don't appear to be bothered by it.


Another trip, this same person waited in a ridiculously long line to pay for an item at the Wal-mart only to have the crazy lady in front of him begin to pull $1 bills from her shoe to pay! He tells me (and basically her since we are 2 feet away) that some people should not be allowed in public. I just sent him to the van.


Best part of my whole trip was seeing a beautiful big head on a billboard reminding to "I can afford to get my annual appointment." Check this beauty out:

Sorry I am too computer challenged to make it bigger.  Also in other news, have you ever seen this terribly disturbing show called "toddlers and tiaras"??? Crazytime times 10.  They dress these poor spoiled brats up in slightly streetwalker-looking clothes, fake teeth, and wigs, pay $500 for them to parade around on stage to win a $5 rhinestone crown for the most adult looking 3 year old.  Shameful.  The moms are always lacking in looks too...hmmm.  With that in mind, time to get my big booty to the gym-I mean garage-I am trying Seth's p90X--I feel kind of like a whitetrash qvc tv shopper that we even own this workout video system, but I don't feel like driving a lengthy 10 minutes to the gym since they cancelled the workout class I was going to last night and I am kindof boycotting them for 24 more hours. OK, so I will let you know how it goes GILAD!

Love you miss you,

Burl-Womble